Adoptions of Wisconsin, Inc.

How is a match made?

2012-02-22T11:49:00.000-08:00

Whena birth parent(s) contacts Adoptions of Wisconsin the first step taken is toset up a face-to-face appointment with Claire, adoption social worker andexecutive director of Adoptions of Wisconsin. The meeting is scheduled assoon as possible—optimally within 24 hours of initial contact. During theinitial meeting the birth parent(s) is asked general questions about theirpregnancy, their financial and medical resources and their emotional supportsystem. The focus of the first meeting is to get to know the birthparent(s) and to discuss their reasons for contacting AOW and their interest inmaking an adoption plan. The information gathered during the firstmeeting sets the pace for all following meetings.

Toquote Claire,

“Typically when I begin work with a birthparent, I provide counseling prior to showing adoptive parent profiles. The amount of counseling varies with each birth parent, however the purpose ofthe counseling is to determine their confidence level in their adoption plan,get to know them and their problem solving/coping skills and prepare them forsome of the normal feelings that might come up during the adoptionprocess.”

Oncea birth parent(s) feels ready they are provided with profiles of familiesfrom the AOW Outreach Program who are open to their situation. Forexample, a birth parent(s) who is interested in an open adoption relationshipwould not be shown the profile of an adoptive family who wants a closedadoption because from the get go the two parties are approaching adoption withan entirely different plan and therefore would not be a good match. Birthparents are given as much time as they need to review profiles. AOW doesnot put any sort of time limitation as to how long a birth parent(s) has tomake a decision regarding an adoptive family. The birth parent(s) isallowed to take either the profiles or take away letters with them to review attheir own pace. Most birth parents take about a week to make a decisionas to which families they want to meet. Some birth parents will take muchlonger. Looking at adoptive parent profiles can bring up a lot ofemotions and some birth parents opt for more counseling before they decide tomeet with prospective adoptive families. This is also one of the timesduring the adoption process in which birth parents might reassess theiradoption plan and decide that adoption is not the right choice for them. Once a birth parent has looked at profiles and potentially met with adoptivefamilies they sit down with Claire to discuss which family seems like the bestmatch for them. When a birth parent feels confident with their choice ofadoptive family Claire will contact the adoptive family and ask them if theywould like to match with the birth parent(s). Just like the birthparent(s) is given a choice as to who they feel is the best fit for theirsituation the adoptive family is also given a choice as to whether they feelthe birth parent(s) is a good match for them.

Weat AOW understand how hard the waiting process is for adoptive parents thoughwe can guarantee you that when you are matched with your birth mother and yourbaby is in your arms, you will know exactly that you were meant to wait forthat particular baby. Waiting for a match is one of the most trying timesof the adoption process. At times words don’t seem to ease theanticipation and longing for a baby in your arms. Please contact Claireor Jenny if there is anything we can do to help you through the waitingperiod. Sometimes just checking in with one of us at AOW can behelpful. The more we are aware of your thoughts and feelings regardingthe adoption process the more able we are to give you the needed support andresources to help you during this time.

Surviving the Wait During the Holidays

2011-12-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Thefollowing article is from Adoption.com e-magazine. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/2009-12/adopting

The holidays can be an especially stressful time of year foranyone. Add to it the stress of waiting for a child to join your family throughadoption and it can make what once was an enjoyable time of year, a verydifficult and emotional time. For many of us, there is no escaping the time youspend with friends and family, which usually also brings with it unendingquestions about what is going on with the adoption process. For some, this canbe a great way to keep others informed of their plans, while for others, its areminder of the frustration of being involved in a process which you have verylittle control over.

Some seasoned adoptive parents within our community have offeredup some advice on things you can do to cope with the stress of the wait duringthe holidays.

Send out an update via e-mail or 'family newsletter' that sharesthe status of your adoption journey. Doing this allows family members to beinvolved in the journey, without turning your holiday family time into aquestion and answer period about the adoption process. Don't be afraid to speakyour mind and ask family members to keep their focus on the season duringfamily get togethers rather than your journey and let them know you'll keepeveryone updated as news develops. Offering information in advance cansometimes keep people from asking the difficult questions during a time wheneveryone should be enjoying themselves.

Instead of focusing on what isn't happening this holiday season,focus on something that is happening. If you had really hoped to purchase giftsfor a child this year, consider buying gifts for a child in need. Almost alllarger retailers as well as shopping malls have "Angel Trees" whereyou pick up the name and information for a child in your community who may nototherwise have a gift to unwrap this year.

Make time for yourself and your partner. Those who have never beeninvolved in the journey may not understand the emotional toll the adoptionprocess can have on you and your partner. Plan a weekend getaway or just a fewdays at home where you can spend time together and enjoy each others company.Remember, this may be something you won't have the pleasure of doing for sometime, once your child comes home. Rather than focusing on what life will belike once you've brought your child home, try focusing on making the most ofthe time you have left and do things you won't be able to do once you become aparent.

The holidays are a great time for celebration and a great time toremember just how different your life is about to become. Try to think of it interms of the joys your life is about to gain, rather than the loss you may befeeling by spending another holiday without the child you envision. Most ofall, take care of you and your partner, because you never know when the phonemight ring.

'Tis the Season for Questions

2011-11-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

The season for holiday parties, family gatherings and festive outings is quickly approaching. With this comes the potential for you to be asked A LOT of questions about creating your family through adoption. Some questions will come from beloved family members, some from not so beloved family members and maybe even some from people you have just met. At times talking about your adoption journey can be a really great way to informally network, you never know whose cousin’s, friend’s cousin is pregnant and thinking about adoption. Other times the questions can be very uncomfortable and intrusive. We’ve provided some tips below to help you handle questions if/when they arise…

When you are asked a question about your adoption experience the first thing to ask yourself is who is asking the question and in what setting are they asking you. If a trusted friend asks you in a quiet, private moment you may feel comfortable talking about your adoption experience at length. If a person inquires about your adoption plan and it isn’t someone you feel comfortable with or you don’t know very well you are not obligated to share your experiences—especially if the question is asked in a public setting.

The second thing to consider is the motivation for the person’s question. Are they asking you because they too are considering adoption? Are they asking because they know of a potential birth mother? Are they asking because they care about you? Are they asking because there is an uncomfortable pause in conversation and they can’t help being rude? The way to find out a person’s motivation is to respond, “Why do you ask?” Responding with “Why do you ask?” is the best tool you have to find out a person’s motivation and to warrant off any unwanted conversations. If the person responds “Umm…well…ahhh” they probably don’t need to know your personal information and you can feel at liberty to change the subject.

Marilyn Schoettle, former director of education and publications at the The Center for Adoption Support & Education created the W.I.S.E. Up! Method for adoptive parents and children to be better prepared to answer (or chose not to answer) questions about their adoption experience. Ms. Schoettle’s developed an easy acronym to fall back on when adoption questions arise:

W=Walk Away/Ignore the Question. You are not obligated to share if you don’t want to.

I=It’s Private. This is a polite statement to let a person know they are asking about something that you feel is too personal of a topic for the setting you are in.

S=Share Something. If you feel you want to share your experience then by all means do it! Adoption is a wonderful journey to share with others.

E=Educate Others. The process of adoption has changed considerably over the past few decades. If you want, take the time to tell others about your experience and all of the wonderful things that are happening in the world of adoption – again, you never know, this may lead you to your baby.

Another great tool for friends and relatives who want to know more about adoption is the book,

“In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know about Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends” by Elizabeth O’Toole. You can learn more about this book from the website http://www.inonadoption.com/ or look for it at your local bookstore. We also have a copy at the agency to lend out if you are interested.

We hope your holiday season is off to a good start. Just a reminder that our offices are closed Thursday and Friday of this week to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday.

As always please feel free to call or email us with questions, concerns or inquiries regarding what’s new at AOW—we love to hear from you.

For more information please go to our website: Adoptions of Wisconsin home page or email us at info@adoptionsofwisconsin.com

November News 2011

2011-11-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

What's happening at AOW? Well I'm glad you asked....

As we continue to be busy working with prospective adoptive families as they move through this amazing and often challenging process, we have also put much of our energy toward various outreach efforts.

Last week Jenny and Claire attended the “Focus on the Child” statewide adoption conference. It proved to be very interesting. One of the speakers, Hal Kaufman, President of My Adoption Advisor, gave us some great ideas about birth parent outreach we hope will prove successful for AOW families. One of the things Hal emphasized was how the methods of communication and information gathering have drastically changed from one generation to the next. The current birth parent population is part of the “millennial generation” or “net generation”. If a millennial wants to find out information one of first things they do is log on to the internet whether by laptop, phone or PC. To keep up with the trends AOW is considering expanding the waiting families portion of our website by providing a link for each family (who decides to participate) to a blog and/or a short video slide show containing information from your profile. This idea is in its infancy so if you have any feedback, let us know. As always it is up to each family to decide how much information they want to share and how they want to share it. There would be no additional costs to an adoptive parent for these services. AOW would produce the video slide show and help you create a blog. If this all sounds wild—you are probably a Gen X-er. Don’t worry. Jenny scored a 96 out of 100 on the “How Millennial Are You?” quiz so you are in good hands. If you want to find out how millennial you are you can take the quiz too. Just click on the following link: http://pewresearch.org/millennials/quiz/,

We have also been doing a lot of birth parent outreach the old fashioned way—by pounding the pavement. Jenny recently spoke to a group of high school students at Iowa-Grant High School in Livingston and met with staff from Southwest Technical College in Fennimore. In addition she distributed our information to the hospital, university and reproductive center (similar to Planned Parenthood) in Platteville and Dodgeville. We have also been reaching out to other professionals throughout the state such as professors, teachers, social workers, public health nurses, family law attorneys, etc. If you know of any people in your area that would benefit from having AOW’s information please send us their contact information and we will get in touch with them. AOW cannot nor would we ever give outside resources your name or any identifying information unless we have an authorized release of information from you to do so.

Jenny is currently in Green Lake for the Wisconsin School Social Workers Association’s (WSSWA) annual conference where AOW will be the only adoption agency with a display. It will be a great opportunity to connect with middle school and high school social workers who often don’t have a lot of information about adoption and adoption resources.

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that our office will be closed on Thursday November 24^th and Friday November 25^th to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday.

Please know that the lines of communication are always open if you want to ask any questions about AOW, how we operate and what type(s) of outreach we do for prospective birth parents. Further, if you are and AOW adoptive family and are feeling disconnected or anxious during your adoption journey, this is especially when we want to hear from you. Our goal is to match birth and adoptive parents to create successful relationships and help you build your family through adoption.